Although I’m a latina woman dating a man at this time,
the “girlfriend” tag
comes with countless luggage that I just do not relate solely to. It’s slim, gendered, plus in my opinion, it’s simply maybe not

in

any longer.

1. 
   “Girlfriend” has connotations.
   
   Nagging, needy, poor, materialistic, mental, sex object—they’re all characteristics always pay ladies and elegant people. You might argue that if it’s such a
   bad insult
   , women can reclaim “girlfriend” the same as “slut,” but frankly, it just doesn’t seem worth it in my experience. The phrase honors becoming right, cis, and monogamous, which marginalizes anybody who isn’t really those situations. That’s a
   
   great deal
   
   of men and women to omit.
2. 
   Those connotations tend to be connected to specific functions.
   
   Those roles tend to be gendered, exactly like
   wife and husband
   . Using conventional gendered language to spell it out functions in connections helps it be difficult to break out of obnoxious, out-of-date, and false stereotypes. I’m guessing you just take concern with at the least some section of how a traditional woman is supposed becoming, be it the monogamy, the deficiency of private autonomy, the idea you are some people’s home, or that you’ren’t responsible for your personal human anatomy.
3. 
   It is not almost gender.
   
   All of our the reality is deeply dictated by vocabulary we make use of, thus broadening the connection language beyond “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” lets us have more
   fulfilling interactions
   , even when they do not suit what a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend commitment is meant to appear like. Envision having a fuck buddy but feeling the ceaseless stress to act as you’re romantically involved despite the reality neither people in fact want that. You might don’t need to imagine what which is like—it’s an excellent typical situation to stay after initially setting up with somebody. As opposed to stressing about this, merely call-it how it is actually. Leave a relationship be its own unique, magical thing versus exactly what another person tells you it must be.
4. 
   “Partner,” “lover,” etc. are more comprehensive since they are gender simple.
   
   Using
   girl and boyfriend
   reinforces the sex binary. It implies that there are two main face-to-face men and women. The actual fact that same-sex partners may use those labels, there is an implied duality in boyfriend/girlfriend that also reinforces the theory that heterosexuality is actually normal. This excludes queer, trans, and nonbinary people… and also other people who doesn’t think gender is an essential top-notch their particular companion.
5. 
   Making use of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” allows you to appear to be you are in high-school.
   
   C’mon, we’re grownups, therefore let’s make use of grown-up words. Let’s have interactions, partnerships, friendships, marriages. You don’t need to contact somebody your own sweetheart or boyfriend become cool any longer. You’re cool because
   you’re a badass person
   , therefore’d be just as cool if perhaps you were unmarried. In case the lover in addition happens to be cool–that’s great! Even so they you should not determine you.
6. 
   Girlfriend/boyfriend also implies that gender is the most important a portion of the connection.
   
   In my experience, utilising the word “girlfriend” just states “I’m matchmaking their because she actually is a girl, not just one of my personal bros.”
   Girls could be guys’ pals too
   ! And what if you’re homosexual? What is the distinction between your personal girl and your additional feminine friends? Obviously not the fact she actually is your own pal… or a lady. Complex, right?
7. 
   It makes you seem unequal.
   
   In place of anyone carrying out the sweetheart part together with different performing the sweetheart character, you could potentially both you need to be equal lovers. Why are girl and sweetheart two
   
   various
   
   roles? How might that make feeling? (Yep, you guessed it, it’s the normal culprits: sexism, transmisogyny, and toxic maleness). Let’s get together with the system and stop placing limitations on what women and femmes form their particular identities. If you truly experience like this you are doing identify as a “girlfriend,” then go right ahead and make use of that label. However, it’s well worth reflecting on
   
   the reason why
   
   you observe that means, specifically if you’re cis and right.
8. 
   “companion” or “lover” is actually a much better information of an excellent commitment.
   
   Those terms imply positive, respectful feelings and activities. Teamwork, really love, harmony, solidarity, equality—no gender functions, no BS. Terms like co-parent, fuck buddy, etc. will also be great since they are sincere and simple. They
   explain the connection
   genuinely, and they are not wanting to change it into something that it isn’t.
9. 
   It is simply not hip any longer.
   
   Some might argue that “girlfriend”/”boyfriend” tend to be less stylish than “partner” today because directly individuals are appropriating queer society, in fact it is really legitimate and really worth some really serious idea. Nevertheless important thing usually outdated labels and conformity to gender roles are harmful to everyone else, such as directly ladies. So end up being separate, end up being yourself, and get the sort of companion, enthusiast, co-parent, buddy or spouse you truly are.